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If this happens in the future and you are not under suspension, wait for the police to clear your car for saftey. And if by chance they do stop you, ask them if anything is wrong. If they ask to search your car without probable cause, do not consent. Watch the busted video you can get from this site. When your mother asked why your car was being searched the police are under no obligation to tell her since she is not the owner of the car and it was not being operated by her. As for your boyfriend being patted down if he posed no threat then it was illegal and he should have made it clear, peacefully of course, that he did not consent to a personal serach.
Another thing, if the cop told you that he could have your vehicle towed in order to do a legal search this would be a clue not to consent to an otherwise illegal search. Keeping in mind that you were under suspension, that would be very hard to fight. Now if the police officer told you were under arrest he would have to read you your rights, under the logical conclusion that you were going to jail, that made your detainment illegal because he never made you aware of your rights. Here is something you should keep in mind, never ever drive under suspension it's not worth the risk. Finally, I do not believe the officer was intentionally doing anything wrong. It seemed to me he was being very fair with you, not counting what i discussed earlier. Most police officers are not bad and they do need our support, they are only human after all and are bound to make mistakes.